Venice Day 2

We awoke and it hit me. This was our last destination. Our last full day out of the country. It was November 11th. I grabbed a napkin off the end table (presumably from gelato the night before) and began to draw on it. I drew, sketched, and shaded in various colors (even though I only had one cheap hotel pen) and mapped out our journey. Here is what I drew:

I gently got out of bed, not to disturb the snoring-Laura creature, and got dressed. While nodding off last night she had mentioned she wanted to see "one of those cool old ones...". Later, I found out she meant churches. I arranged for us to go sightseeing at St. Mark's Basilica.


Apparently, it is technically called the Patriarchal Cathedral Basilica of Saint Mark, or Basilica Cattedrale Patriachale di San Marco in Italian. It's a cathedral church of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Venice. Basically it's a big, old, fancy Catholic church. 


We toured the church and surrounding grounds. The tour guide, who once again looked eerily similar to the dude from Rio, Cairo, and Antarctica, told us that Byzantine architecture was used throughout the grounds. It lies in Piazza San Marco, or the St. Mark district. 

The Front 

I;m not the most interested in art or architecture, but I really enjoyed the tour. I didn't quite understand it all, but it was fun. 

By the time we were done, it was nearing sunset. Laura had an idea. We grabbed a "picnic" dinner, and rented a gondola. The man driving it looked exactly like the guy we'd seen everywhere else. Although it could be seen as a date, Laura and I saw the gondola ride as fulfilled dream. Ever since we sang "That's Amore" on a karaoke game at our friend's house, it because a mission. Suddenly, we burst into song.

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeen theee moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, thats amore. 

When the world seems to shine like you've had TOO MUCH WINE, that's amore!" we sang, our voices fluctuating between loud, and louder. 

All of a sudden, our gondola man went overboard. Being the screamer that I am, I screamed. It was close enough to a bridge that we managed to leap to shore.

 Laura said, "Hurry, we don't want to get caught in another international scandal."  

"Another?!..." I replied. We were already halfway to our hotel. 

"Uh. I'll tell you later." 

Little did we know, we spent several hours on the gondola and by the time we got back to our hotel we had to pack our bags and rush to the airport for our early-morning flight.

We were late.

Our family and friends welcomed us home, and we immediately went to sleep. 

Venice Day 1

Arriving in Venice was a nice change. It wasn't below zero! Actually, it has relatively nice weather, somewhat a Mediterranean climate. Italy borders France, Switzerland, Austria, and Slovenia. It appears to be shaped like a boot sticking out into the Mediterranean Sea. Italians are predominantly Catholic. The main language of Italy is  Italian, but English is widely spoken there, too.

We arrive at night, and check into our hotel. We're staying at the Boscolo Bellini . I knew what I wanted to do already, and I knew if I told Laura it would never happen. We went to bed, surprisingly uneventfully. 

That morning, I caught a cab and dragged Laura in with me. We were going shopping. 

With Mr. Perazzo's credit card, of course.

Laura began whimpering, but I assured her this would be quick.

We stopped at Louis Vuitton, Roberto Cavalli, Armani, Fendi, Gucci, Prada, Missoni, and Versace, buying almost nothing. But not so fast, I spent nearly $20,000. Teehee.

By the time I was done, it was only lunchtime. We stopped at a corner cafe. We both had grilled sandwiches called paninis. We wandered the streets of Italy, observing people. Before long, we were hungry again. We stopped at a restaurant and had a traditional five course meal.

Our first course was called Antipasti or Antipasto. Antipasti is like an appetizer. Instead of spinach dip and chips or potato skins like Americans would have, Italians enjoy bruschetta or antipasto misto. We had bruschetta, which is toasted bread with a salsa like mixture of tomatoes and onion, but instead of being spicy it was sweet. They had slices of mozzerella cheese and basil leaves to put on also. Laura seemed to enjoy eating this; she was pretending to do something that I didn't quite understand.

The second course is Primo, which is technically a "first course". Its like a side dish. Primo usually is a pasta, soup, or risotto (rice) dish. Laura, being as obsessed with pasta as she is, ordered pasta. I wanted to try something new and ordered risotto.

The third course to our five course meal is Secondo. It's technically the "second course". The main meal. The Big Bang. The Hanuka Matata. The Whole Enchilada. But it wasn't an enchilada. It's usually meat, poultry, or  fish. Once again, being predictable, Laura ordered trout, mumbling about something to do with penguins. I ordered grilled salmon.

Our fourth course, which is technically just a side dish, is called Contorni. It is usually vegetables (verdura), potato, or a salad (insalata). I ordered a salad, and Laura ordered, surprise, potatoes.

Typically in Italy wine or sparkling mineral water is drinken with dinner. They have no lawful drinking age there, but if you're under 16 you can't buy alcohol. I deliberately didn't tell Laura this, but somehow she found out and was asking anyone who appeared to be over the age of 16 to buy us some wine. I managed to muffle her requests so we didn't become international fugitives.

The last course, the best, was desert, or dolce. Typically fruit or cheese. After that, you are offered cafe or digestivo, coffee or an after dinner drink. Both Laura and I had some fruit and hot chocolate.

After leaving the restaurant, we went for gelato. I had chocolate gelato (now that is what you call decadent) and Laura had, surprise, vanilla. We ate our gelato as we walked back to the hotel.

Antarctica Day 2 (And 3 and 4)

We woke up at what had to be the crack of dawn. The researchers had begun hustling around, most of them carrying coffee. Apparently, it comes with the freeze-dried meals. I don't want to know what freeze-dried coffee tastes like.

"Hey. How's it goin'? Whassup my homie. Yo! Frank!" Laura said, walking through the research center. No one acknowledged her. Oh gosh, we have two more days of this.

By the time I found something edible for breakfast, Laura was already outside. I brought the food and planted myself in the snow. I watched and ate while Laura chased...air.

The contents of the "Breakfast Pack".

"Granola", "Pancakes", more "Granola", and three kinds of "Omlettes"

And remember. I use these terms loosely.

We did this for the next two days. I was beginning to worry that our friend who was supposed to send his plane forgot about us. Suddenly, on the fourth day in Antarctica, a plane landed in the vast clearing.

I was saved! Uhh. I mean, ahem, we were saved. I ran to our luggage.

The magical man took us into his warm, dry plane and flew us away, with much resistance from Laura. At that point, I didn't care if a creepy, hairy man was following around the world.

Day 1 Antarctica

Because there are no flights directly to Antarctica, we took a plane to Ushuaia, Argentina and borrowed our scientist friend's plane to go to the Fossil Bluff research center. We arrived in a barren ice land. We grabbed our bags and left the plane and the badly shaken pilot, who once again reminded me of the dude in Rio and Cairo. Laura seems to have that affect on people.

When we were waiting to get picked up in Ushuaia, I Googled Antarctica. It's the southernmost continent of Earth. It is surrounded by the Southern Ocean. 98% of Antarctica is ice. It has the highest elevation of all the continents. On average, it is the driest, coldest, windiest continent. Lovely.

We made our way to the research center, walking against the whipping wind and snow. Luckily we bought super duper mega snowsuits before we got here.

Laura ran (in what looked like slow motion) to the front door. She opened it, and it creaked. We went inside.

It was warm! And dry! Laura dropped her bags on the floor, dead center, and proceeded in saying, "There's no place like home...Now where are my penguins?" The researchers sitting at their stations looked so incredibly interested in our arrival. One even managed to look up from his work.

They were all scruffy, manly men. They showed no interest in our arrival so we took it upon ourselves to figure everything out. I placed my bags in an empty corner and attempted to find Laura, who somehow escaped the building without a sound. I went outside.

She was looking for penguins.

I sat down on the snow and watched her for a few hours. It was better than cable.

We spent most of the day doing this, Laura running around barren, empty ice land shouting for her long lost whatevers and me observing. Suddenly, we heard a bell. I turned around and a dude was ringing a bell outside of the door of the center. I realized it must mean one thing. Food.

"Laaaauraaaaaa. Its diiiiiiinner time!" I called to her.

"Dinner? DINNER?" she said, darting around like an animal. 

I began to make my way through the snow towards the cabin I wondered what we were going to eat for dinner when we were in the middle of...somewhere.

Turns out, the meal was freeze-dried spaghetti and meat sauce. Well, that's what the package said. It could've been anything. As we ate, we remained in our snow-gear. It was that cold. By the time we finished, it was already dark out. I had no idea what time it was, because the researchers were shunning us. I found a place for Laura and I to sleep; a small, dark corner. We sat down and fell asleep.

Cairo Day 3 (Second Day of Activity)

          "WE ARE GOING TO GO TO THE CAIRO MUSEUM!" Laura abruptly shouted in face. As if there was any doubt in the planning two days earlier, or in any prolonged period of quiet that wasn't filled with chanting. Not once did I say, "No, Laura. I am crushing your dreams. We are not going to the museum because I hate you," which of course isn't true.
          I packed a small bag of snacks, entertainment, and "in case of emergency" items, much like an experienced mother of a baby or toddler would. I was preparing for a day at a museum with Laura.
          This time, I packed my iPod for the ride to the museum, fearing a repeat of the day before. I blasted random show tunes, knowing it would drive Laura away. She sat at the far end of the double seat much like I was yesterday, in the fetal position and whimpering, but she was sucking her thumb. Turn about is fair play.
          We arrived, and I braced myself. Laura leaped out of the seat, crawling over me, and jumped onto the sidewalk. She ran towards the doors, hurdling over the bush in front. I had to admit, it was pretty ninja.

          I calmly walked over to the door, meanwhile Laura was running around where ever she could without buying admission. I paid for our tickets, and we wandered the museum. Somehow, Laura managed to act like a calm, normal human throughout the rest of the museum. Maybe the mummies freaked her out. For all I know, they could've spoken to her. If that shut her up, I may consider buying one and bringing it with us to Antarctica where I know I'll need it.

          Aside from the periodic outbursts, I only had to subdue Laura a few times. The fruit snacks and pretzels really came in handy.

          By the end of the day, Laura needed a nap like a two year old needed...well...a nap. We went to eat at  a traditional Egyptian restaurant. Laura had Hamam mahshi, "oven roasted Cornish game hen with scallion, mint, currants, ginger, and spiced cous cous". 

          "...Alesha...too many big words...what does it mean?!" Laura asked me.

          "Chicken with seasoning, rice-y stuff with seasoning," I replied. I ordered the Fatta, which was rice with short ribs and tomato, garlic, and cumin sauce served over crispy pita bread and beef broth. For desert Laura ordered the sorbet because she was boring. I was adventurous and ordered Baboussa, which was like a cake made of semolina (cornbread-like) and almond, with rose water syrup. Laura's Hamam mahshi

My Fatta

 Laura's sorbet 

  My Baboussa

Cairo Day 1 (Arrival) and Day 2 (First Day of Activities)

          I have developed a pattern. I research our upcoming countries while on the plane, while Laura melts into the seat and becomes a couch-potato. Well, an airplane-seat-potato.
          Needless to say, I continued the pattern. Cairo is the capitol of Egypt, and is the biggest city in Africa, not to mention on of the most densely population cities in the world. Cairo is located in northern Egypt, which is actually referred to as Lower Egypt. Don't ask me why. It is south of the Mediterranean Sea, and is west of the Gulf of Suez and Suez Canal.
          They have warm summers, ranging in the mid nineties, and relatively cool winters, ranging in the fifties and sixties. The majority of Egyptians are Muslim, and most of them are Sunni. The remainder of the citizens, five to twenty percent, are Christian.
          By the time I had scanned the Wikipedia page, Laura was already flipping out about who knows what. She kept repeating, "Giza Giza Giza Giza Giza Giza Giza," over and over again.
          "We can go there if it makes you happy, Laura," I said, secretly wanting to go there myself. I knew Laura would be shocked to know I wanted to go there. Apparently I'm more of a Valley Girl than an Ancient Pyramid Girl.
          We arrived in the late afternoon, grabbed our bags, and stepped outside. It was nice. Not too hot, not too cold, though it was very dry. We caught a cab to our hotel, the Concorde El Salam Hotel, and unloaded our stuff once more. It dawned on me that we were halfway done with our trip.
          Since we arrived in the late afternoon, we decided to spend the evening planning our trip. We decided on our activites. We headed to bed early, or what we assumed to be early, because we still were jet lagged from Newark. That was the disadvantage of traveling across the world every two days: what the heck is the time?
          The next day, November 2nd, we caught a tour bus to the Pyramids of Giza. The whole way there Laura was saying, "Giza Giza Giza. Giza Giza Giza. Giza Giza Giza." I attempted to drown it out. No success. It didn't comfort me that this had to outweigh my beach spazzing.
         On the brink of disgruntled and jet lagged tears, Laura stopped. I looked up from the fetal position I had formed and saw the Pyramids. They were awe inspiring, beautiful, and haunting at the same time.

         I looked over at Laura and we exchanged glances. She suddenly got a huge, goofy grin on her face and began chanting, "Gizaaaaaaaaaaa. Gizaaaaaaaaaaa. Gizaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa," like a bird would, if such an annoying creature existed.

         When we got off the bus, a short, tan man wearing beige colored cargo pants and vest approached us. He was wearing nothing under the vest. Thats what I call a hairy situation. Weirdly, he almost reminded me of the guy from Rio. 

         We toured the Pyramids, the Sphinx, the Step Pyramids of Zoser, and the statues of Ramses II. Laura eventually quieted down (but not before irritating the hairy tour guide and the rest of the tour group), and we learned about ancient Egypt and all its wonders. It was fantastic, I must say. I never would've though that I'd enjoy it as much as I did, but I had no doubt that I wanted to go in the first place. 

          We spent the whole day there. A few times Laura made comments that worried me. She tried to scratch the Great Sphinx nose...Luckily, we were bused back to our hotel before she got the chance. We got to the hotel and immediately fell asleep on the beds. As I was nodding off, I could've sworn I heard Laura chanting.

Rio de Janeiro Day 2 (and 3)

          I woke up at about 2 in the morning. She was jumping on the bed next to mine shouting incoherent, what I assumed to be, English. When she saw my eyes open, she broke the news to me. We were going hang-gliding. I can honestly say at that moment, I feared for my life.

         A suspicious looking van picked us up, and we were soon dropped off in the middle of the jungle near something that looked like a giant treehouse.

          "OY! Are ya here for our hang-glidin' experrrrrrriencay?" A strange man said, jumping in front of us.

          "Did he just jump out of a tree...?" Laura whispered to me.

          "I have no idea..." I whispered back.

          "What is that accent supposed to be? Australian, Pirate, or Brazilian?" she asked, even quieter than before. Personally, just having been in Sydney, I thought it sounded like Australian. But then again, I've been on Pirated of the Caribbean at Disneyland several times too, and it sounded sort of Pirate-y too. We had heard people speak in a Brazilian accent already, too, and it didn't quite sound like that.

          "Honestly, no idea," I replied.

          "We're in Brazil, so hopefully its Brazilian," she said, realizing the same thing I had just concluded.

          The strange man helped us gear up, and when it came time to glide, I asked, "What are we supposed to do?"

          "That's for me to know and you to find out, Chickadee," he said, jumping off the platform. I looked at Laura, she looked at me. We both stated a general conclusion. "Hippie."

          Luckily, another guide came over and assisted us in our adventure. We managed not to die. On our way back to the hotel, Laura was laughing constantly. When we arrived at our hotel, she was still laughing. She laughed until she hit the bed, instantly asleep. I followed suit.

          The next day, Laura insisted on searching Rio for llama merchandise. We had to stay in Rio for more than two days because the flights were being trippy.

          "Did you know that some armies use llamas?" she asked.

          "Uhh...no, I can't say did..." I said, not liking where this was going.

          She spent the rest of the day blabbering on about llamas. Luckily, she shut up by the time we were at the airport. We were almost late, once again.